“The responses from my friends were actually really amazing. “Seeing a pro domme not only let me explore this side in a non-judgmental environment, but also with someone who knew what they were doing.”Ĭoming out as kinky has empowered Pain Puppy. “I’ve always been kinky, but in my teens and in college, I would try to suppress those feelings and desires that were burning in me,” he says. ![]() In BDSM culture, a lifestyle slave is a person who takes on the submissive role in a total power exchange (TPE) relationship. “There’s this kind of genetic passing of strength and independence in my family.” “My mother felt really helpless, but she was also raised by a very strong mother herself,” who fled a war while pregnant. “She defied a lot of conventions,” which Dia said made her feel more comfortable to do the same. Because of this, her mother was seen as an “untraditional and unconventional” Asian woman. “I’m very much a sadomasochist,” Yin says.ĭia’s mother also experienced domestic violence, which led her to leave Dia’s father early on. “That I’m playing different roles.” They went through phases of self-harm in their early teenage years. “I came into sexual awakening with the need to struggle, the need to feel like I’m pushing up against power,” Yin says. The family trauma that Yin experienced in their childhood led them to seek out BDSM as a lifestyle. ![]() “I know a lot of dommes who have very happy, conventional families.” “I don’t want to make it seem like a pathological thing,” Yin warns. Asian Americans also report the lowest divorce rates in the country, with less than one-fifth choosing legal separation. One coincidence tying the three dommes together is an element of their family life: all three of their mothers are divorced from their fathers, even though divorce was taboo in the cultures they were brought up in. The association certainly helps in her positionality as a dominatrix and sex worker: She says her clients fear her. I’m a boss ass bitch,” Lucy says proudly. Yet they also see their marketing tactics as exploiting the fetishization of Asian women for a profit.Įven at her former job in fashion, Lucy’s employees would refer to her as a “dragon lady,” in both an endearing and negative way. Google Trends shows far higher search frequencies for “Asian dominatrix” compared to “professional,” “white” or “Latina” (though not as much “black dominatrix”). They understand that by posting their artful boudoir shoots and fashionable candids online, as well as using keywords like “Asian dominatrix,” they are attracting a specific type of client. Dia and Lucy say that roughly 95 percent of their clientele are cisgender men, 85 to 90 percent of which are white sometimes heterosexual couples will visit and the woman will return alone. ![]() Different though their characters may be, the demographics of their clients are the same: predominately white men.
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